why is this so hard?

I don’t know what to make of it… On one hand, its obvious she likes me.. She calls back, she flirts, she is just so nice to me. My stomach is full of butterflies everytime I ring her up. I know the boyfriend this is the reason, but I am just waiting for her to rip my guts out and tell me I can’t have her.

She never even gets near that and I can’t imagine if it comes to that how it would come about. She’s been so nice and had stayed clear of that so much that it is almost crazy to even bring the BF into the conversation. I know this one is gonna be in my life, whether she is my partner or my friend, but I can’t imagine how this is gonna play out.

I’m just sick to my stomach everytime I don’t see her and I know I should have options. Its just, this girl makes others look like garbage. I have never fallen for someone this hard especially when I can barely say I know her. I think we are both so nervous when each of us calls and it is up to me to get us out of it. I just wish she can help a guy out a little more and show more signs. The ones she’s given me are great but I don’t think we’ve made it across yet. I know its a little premature considering it has been two weeks since we talked and almost 3 wks since our lunch date..  I rather be in purgatory then be in this state of limbo. Although I know the answer I dread most if she tells me finally the newz of this guy, I can but help to imagine how great things were if things were the way I want it to be.. This will be a summer to remember, and I can’t even fathom how its gonna be in the fall. I’ve never been so paranoid and had so much ups and downs as I’ve had right now. I guess life goes on, but ya know, I know this is a critical juncture in mine.


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